Sometimes a blog post takes a long time, and requires a degree of imagination. This one didn’t – it was my real morning!
It reminded me of when I was a kid and we used to tease mum about the endless cups of cold tea that we would find around the house. Most of which were still completely full. But, I think I get it now – and in fact I’m pretty impressed she would get the tea made each time with 4 kids to look after. My morning below shows how hard it can be!
How to make a cup of tea when you have a baby:
- Hear baby crying and accept this is the real wake up and abandon the idea of any more sleep. Throw on some only slightly stained clothes.
- Change wriggling baby into fresh clean clothes. Baby screams like it’s being tortured.
- Play for a while to calm baby and then put on the kettle for his bottle.
- Think: a cup of tea would be nice. Get mug from cupboard.
- Prepare baby’s bottle and leave to cool.
- Put tea bag in mug, fill with hot water.
- Prepare baby breakfast, worrying about the right balance of fruit, carbs and all nice and healthy. Grab a quick chocolate biscuit for yourself.
- Decide to cook some prunes for blocked up little boy. Boil prunes, strain, puree, mix with yogurt.
- Put two pieces of bread into the toaster.
- Remember the tea. Wonder if it is still warm. Discover forlorn cold cup of tea with the teabag still in.
- Cut up some fruit. Mix puree with weetabix. Butter one piece of toast and cut into neat soldiers. Put aside piece of toast for you.
- Tip out tea. Reboil kettle. Find another teabag and put in mug.
- Feed baby lovingly prepared breakfast.
- Collect breakfast from floor.
- Feed baby, keeping smile on face.
- Collect breakfast from floor. Grab another chocolate biscuit.
- Feed baby.
- Give up and clear up remaining food from baby, highchair and floor.
- Reboil kettle. Put water into mug this time.
- Find milk. Add to mug.
- Feed bottle to baby.
- Look longingly at milky tea beside you, that you can’t drink due to paranoia about drinking hot drinks over a baby.
- Realise baby is very tired. Take him to his cot and try to get him to sleep.
- Baby grumbles and resists. Eyes being rubbed frantically but still crying.
- Replace dummy, pat pat shhh, replace dummy, pat pat shhh, replace dummy, pat pat shhh. Chat on facebook while patting with other hand. Suddenly think – I could be doing this with tea!
- Remove dummy.
- Leave baby for a moment to grumble to himself and go and get cool tea to drink beside cot.
- Return to bedroom. Put dummy in.
- Baby calms, finally ready for sleep. Goes to sleep.
- Drink tepid tea.
31. Find rock hard slice of toast, and sadly throw in the bin. Have some nutella from the jar.
The steps in bold are the ones for those without a baby to follow. For ease – here they are in order:
4. Think: a cup of tea would be nice. Get mug from cupboard.
6. Put tea bag in mug, fill with hot water.
9. Put two pieces of bread into the toaster.
20. Find milk. Add to mug.
29. Drink tea.
With a bonus step of
31. Eat nicely buttered toast!